I did not know what to expect when pressing "publish" on this blog. Putting it all out there was something that does not always come naturally to me. But I just feel so strongly that this is my purpose in this time. I can't begin to tell you how wonderful the outpouring of messages, love, support, prayers, and everything in between has been in response. My heart is full to bursting. You guys are amazing.
A big benefit of this process has been the transformation that has happened in me. Those who know me well know that I am naturally introverted. Going up to a stranger or taking initiative to talk to someone is pretty much against my nature. I have been known to run away awkwardly from situations that would present those interactions. Haha! Pretty much since the beginning of this process, a new bravery has miraculously presented itself. I find myself looking at those strangers and situations I am placed in more closely, listening more sharply, and I have gone up and introduced myself and told my story to those I have felt led to. It's nuts! My mom can't believe I'm not a stranger danger ranger anymore. But God has been so clear in pulling me toward people He would have me talk to, it has been amazing to see.
Through my adult life, I have not personally seen someone close to me go through chemotherapy. I don't know what to expect. I am not familiar with the process or the toll it can have. The day before I blogged the last post, I attended my friend Melanie's baptism at our church. As my friend Jolé and I pulled into the church parking lot, and parked, out of the car directly beside me, climbed a woman wearing a head scarf. What. Are. The. Odds?! I felt drawn to talk to her, and hoped to run into her after service. She happened to sit directly in my line of vision, so after service, I beelined to her, and asked the most tactful question I could think of, "Hi, I'm Kelly. Do you have cancer?" Yep. Excellent people skills here, folks. In my excited state, I just didn't know how else in that moment to open up the dialogue, and I had decided from the time of my diagnosis that I was not going to baby the word "cancer" or treat it like a bad word. She was extremely gracious at my abrupt introduction and interrogation. She did have cancer, and we exchanged contact information to meet and discuss our journeys more and to pray for each other. I was elated.
The day after I blogged, it was a BEAUTIFUL day, so I headed to our local downtown coffee shop's back deck to pursue my favorite trifecta of pastimes- coffee, reading, and sunshine. I hadn't been sitting very long when a man and a young woman walked past and sat two table over from me. They caught my eye as they walked in, but I didn't pay much mind. My hearing isn't great, and I am not one to eavesdrop, but the word "treatment" floated twice to my ears from their conversation. I immediately felt that tug again. "Go talk to her." I fought it for a second. I didn't know what kind of treatment she was talking about, or if it was even her own, but the tug was so strong. I got up, walked over, and again, so eloquently introduced myself. "Hi, I'm Kelly, and I'm sorry, but I overheard you say something about treatments? What are you dealing with?" She was exceptionally gracious at my intrusion, and I met this amazing, beautiful 23-year-old woman who is facing her SECOND battle with breast cancer. We also exchanged information and will meet next week. I was in awe and overwhelmed at how clearly God had put two people in my path in a period of two days who better understand a journey I am so unfamiliar with. I texted some friends immediately about the experience.
My friend Rachel happened to be just up the road at that moment, so she came to meet me and we walked down to the trails and sat by the bank of the river and talked about how amazing the response to the blog had been, and how I could see my Father leaving such clear love notes for me in my day-to-day activities. As we talked, a young woman and man with their beautiful young daughter walked hand in hand off of the paved trails to the dirt trails where Rachel and I were sitting by the river. The mom had a camera strapped around her neck, and I offered to take their picture together. She excitedly agreed, and I snapped some photos, played with their daughter for a moment, and went back to sit down. The woman walked up to me and asked, "Did I happen to see a blog about you?" Whoa. "Maaaaybe...", I laughed. She said that she was touched by it, and wished me well. That would have been amazing enough right there, but she went on to say that they aren't from town. A mutual friend of ours had shared the link to my blog, she had read it, and they happened to be in town from over three hours away. Yep. Let that sink in for a moment. I'm not in a crowded public place. I'm sitting in the dirt by the river, off the beaten path. At that exact place, at that exact moment, complete strangers come by FROM OUT OF TOWN, I interact with them (again, something I would very likely would NOT have done prior to this journey), she recognizes me, and tells me what the blog meant to her. How amazing is my God?!!
God has been so clear and present in letting me know that I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I am overwhelmed with such gratitude that I can not properly express. There is such intense peace and freedom in that security. No matter what is happening. No matter what is coming. I am where I am supposed to be. It is a good and beautiful place to be. I have never been in a better place. I know that can seem strange, but it is true. I am not struggling. I am being carried. My Father has me in His arms so tightly, there is no room for fear and dread. Only joy. Thank you all again so much for your support and prayers!!
"In all this you greatly rejoice,though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls." 1 Peter 1:6-9